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Mod Breakdown:
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+236 / -19 |
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Karma Level:
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+ 30
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5 years ago (10/08/04) |
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Last signed in:
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2 months ago |
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Total time online:
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5d 0h 54m |
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Zombies Exist
Prepare to have your mind fucking blow away. It's time for another:
The Royal King's Reasoning of Unreasonable Things
Today I will give my reasoning that Zombies, or more specifically the Undead, exist or have existed.
Think about the most of the horror creatures we see in our culture. Vampires, Zombies, The Mummy, Frankenstein, Jason Voorhees, Freddy Kruger, Janet Reno. What do they all have in common? They are Undead (or once dead and have returned). This is mythology. And, as any English major will tell you, all mythology that has and ever will be written can be traced back or directly linked to one book: The Bible.
There is not a single story that cannot be traced to the Bible. Shakespeare, Hemmingway, Steven King...every story by every author can be traced to the Bible. Why? Because every possible scenerio is covered somewhere, somehow. Some examples:
Levatation / Flying -- Jesus walks (hovers) on water.
Transmutation / Alchemy -- Jesus turns water into wine. Moses turns his staff into a snake.
Sonic Destruction -- Joshua's trumpet destroys the walls of Jericho.
Alien Abduction -- Jesus ascends into the clouds, Micheal wrestles an Angel (or vistor?)
The list goes on and on. Not to mention every love story ever written is covered in the bible (thoroughly). So what does this have to do with Zombies, you ask? Well, you may think I'm talking about Jesus rising from the dead (Easter)....but you're wrong. Jesus's story of resurrection is about life after death. The metaphoric connatations of that are so strong it's surreal. But there is another story I'm referring to in the Bible. One of a dead person returning to life...a story that is immediately dropped and never referred to again. A story in which we never find out what happened to the resurrected person after he is returned to life. And his name is Lazarus.
Yes, Lazarus. The man that Jesus resurrects from the dead. After the miracle, Jesus wonders off to do other spectacular things...and we never hear of Lazarus again. Did he die...again? Or did he live, perhaps to this day?
Whether you believe the story of Lazarus is irrelevant. Fictional or Truth, it is mythology either way. And every mythological story is based on truth, even the least bit. So here is where the reasoning stops and I leave you with your last bit of food for thought:
The Bible follows almost every miracle that Jesus performs till the end, except for Lazarus. Why is that? And since every fictional story is based on truth, where did the concept of Zombification acting like a plague come from, and why is that concept so strong when we think of the Undead? Why does the Bible skip some time between the Lazarus miracle and the events leading to the Last Supper? Was there some Lazarus-inspired Zombie Outbreak in biblical times?
Think about that.
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Dead Rising: Walkthrough
Here is how to defeat any pyschopath (Except Adam and Brock) in Dead Rising in under a minute.
1) Collect the "Criminal Biography", "Engineering", and "Entertainment" books.
2) Wait till night of the first day.
3) Get the scoop "Out of Control"
4) Go to the Wonderland Plaza and defeat Adam. (Shooting his baloons works extremely well, or ONE katana swing after his misses you. Two will get you killed.)
5) Pick up both of Adam's Mini-Chainsaws. (They're small and blue.)
6) Because of the books you have, the chainsaws will last around 4000 hits. If for some god aweful reason you use both up, return to the Wonderland Plaza at any time to get another one.
7) Now use your mini-chainsaws to defeat every freakin' boss/psychopath in the game with 2-5 swings in mere seconds. Not to mention it one-hit-kills all zombies in a wide arc in front of you.
8) This will work all the way up to the fight with Brock. In which case, you are on your own with your uber-CQC ninja skills. I found the jump kick + roundhouse kick combo to work well.
9) Start infinity mode and try to beat my record of 8 days, 14 hours, 37 minutes.
That is all.
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The New Anti-Job Drug.
First, it was World of Warcraft. The game swept the nation so hard that websites appeared to help kids kick the habit.
Now...there is Dead Rising.
I will be mysteriously calling in sick tomorrow.
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World of Half-Craft
I spent a little over 3 hours on this. Enjoy!
Image is fucked up, but this link should work.
EDIT: After posting this comic on the World of Warcraft forums, I violated the bandwith laws of Imageshack. I will rehost this when I get home.
EDIT 2: Image has been rehosted.
EDIT 3: Gave up and provided direct link.
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Coming Soon.
Warehouse Guards
Season 2
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Life, Liberty, and the Persuit of WoW
World of Warcraft is an amazing game. I admit that. It's extremely fun. I admit that too. However, I refuse to believe that this is the game that is pulling America's youth away from bowling alleys, skating rinks, movie theaters, and even card shops. Can you imagine someone thinking this:
"Yeah...I can watch my character fish. I can even get drunk and fish. I can get drunk and fish, sober up, and then slay a few beasts. My life is complete."
I play on the low-population realm of Kul Tiras, as an Undead Rogue named Royalninja. (Yeah, I'm that good at thinking up names.) I've played a few of those battlegrounds games, where players from both the Alliance and the Horde go at it in large paintball-inspired Player vs. Player games.
Sad to say, the Alliance blows donkey balls. At least on my server they do. My level 19 (Yeah, I'm that good at leveling a character) is whipping ass left and right without too much resistance.
I've been playing for 6 days now and I'm already 1st Officer of the guild Tempest Fugit. The only person higher than me is the guy who started the guild. I = Greatness, apparently.
So, if you're ever in Kul Tiras (the realm), drop me a line. Tell me you read this journal entry on RoosterTeeth and you automatically qualify to join the Tempest Fugit. Hell of a deal, if you ask me.
Which you didn't.
But you should have.
Happy Trails,
The Royal King
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Happy "Love is Money" Day
Life is fun. I will be returning to this website in full shortly. First, there are things you should know.
1) I have been away opening my own Card and Game store, The Gamer's Cove, in Harrisburg, Illinois. I'll release full information once it exists.
2) My video card completey burned out. As a result, I've been forced to use an old 32MB card in my machine. I've been unable to produce Half-Life 2 comics. I know you've all missed them.
3) However, the last of my close friends has given in to World Of Warcraft brand Crack. I can no longer sit idly by and watch my dearest comrades shrivel into non-existance in this way. So, I've done the only reasonable thing...I've bought a new video card and I go to get my own copy of WoW tomorrow.
That's the short and sweet. However, since I know that my watchers demand high quality content in my journals....here is Chuck Norris beating up Conan O'Brian.
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Announcement
Note: I have no idea if I spelled Announcement correctly
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