|
|
|
|
Mod Breakdown:
|
+1115 / +1033 |
|
Karma Level:
|
+ 46
|
| Signed up: |
3 years ago (2/03/06) |
|
|
Last signed in:
|
4 weeks ago |
|
Total time online:
|
56d 0h 36m |
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Fuck you and Die
Fuck you and Die - Necro-Ophelia (Dedicated to two fuckers who fucked up my whole life and ripped my heart out then fucking laughed.)
You think you can tear my fucking heart out and get away with it?
You think you can spread your lies and get away with it?
I never heard you say that you fucking loved me.
I heard you say that you fucking hate me.
I NEVER WANTED TO BE APART OF YOUR FUCKED UP LIFE!
SO FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!
AND DIE!
Everytime I see your face I wanna beat the shit out of it.
Everytime I hear your voice I wanna kill myself 'cause I don't got a choice.
I never heard you say that you fucking loved me.
I always hear you say that you fucking hate me.
I NEVER WANTED TO BE APART OF YOUR FUCKED UP LIFE!
SO FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!
AND DIE!
I maybe disgusting to you now,
But I won't be disgusting when I kill you.
I maybe disgusting now to you now,
I maybe ugly now...
BUT I'LL BE FUCKING BEAUTIFUL WHEN I TEAR YOUR THROAT OUT!
|
|
|
| |
Dreams (In the Witch house)
This the time of remorse.
This is the time of pain.
This is the time that I see your face in every one of my dreams.
This is the time of anger.
This is the time of fear.
This is the time that I lose my mind because you are not here...
These are my dreams in the witch house,
I dream them all for you...
Remember the time in both of our lives when the love you felt was true...
Well, shit...heheh. All I've been doing lately is killing myself with Meth. I'm NEVER, EVER, EVEREVEREVER, doing that AGAIN! For three days I was tripping sack, hallucinating, being submerged repeatedly in painful memories, and picking at myself. I have, like, scabs all over my arms and legs from picking at myself. -Sigh- Oh, what a wonderful life I have chosen. xD
I made a promise to myself and to those I hold dear to quit once and for all. I've broken this promise too many times and that makes me a liar.
Mom is so deeply wounded. I told her that I was doing more than just weed and I could see the pain in her eyes. It was like I just stabbed her fucking over and over again; I even felt her pain. I wanted to die more than ever...
Dad, he wasn't mad but he was disappointed and that hurts so much worse, heh. He was just like: Meth equals death. Don't do it again. It's trailer trash drugs.He looked pretty sad too but you know dads, they don't show emotion. He told me later that he doesn't mind me experimenting but with addiction on both sides of my family, it's easy to get addicted. (Heh. Too late, been there done that.) He said he would do anything for me to stop. So...yeah.
You know, with me using and all...it kinda opened up some unrealized doors in my life. I think I'm growing up and even though I act immature, deep inside I'm maturing. I'm only 16 and lately I feel like I'm fucking 35 or something. XD I'm thankful for what I have. I have people that love me and care for me. I have support, I have a future, I have guitars, I have a car that is mine and I didn't have to pay for it. I have so much...Why use drugs? I ask myself that everytime I snort a line or smoke it up. And I can't find a reason anymore...Sure I'm still stuck on Dearl and in emotional pain but that is NOTHING. Some people have it so much worse. Why the fuck am I such a pussy that I have to use goddamn drugs to cover up stupid, insignificant feelings and attachments? Why?! I know so many people who have it worse than me and they don't even use. Why can't I be like them and be strong? Why am I such a pussy? Why...?
|
|
|
| |
Songs!
Been writing alot lately. :P Here are my latest disasterpieces. The last two are very personal...real life experiences...I just thought I should share them with someone...'cause the story deserves to be told.
Untitled
I feel numb,
I feel dead.
I feel no regret.
I want drugs,
I want death.
I want anything that will take the pain away.
I say that I won't,
But you know I would.
I said I quit,
But you know I lie.
I said I want to live,
But you know I lie.
I feel numb,
I feel dead.
I feel no regret.
I want sex,
I want love.
I want none of the above.
I say that I won't,
But you know I would.
I said I quit,
But you know I lie.
I said I want life.
But in the end, I know I'll die.
Destroyer
My heart stays envious,
As I stare at an almost happy picture.
Something inside of me,
Wants to destroy your happiness.
Like you destroyed mine.
(I did it to myself, I know I did...)
The emptiness in my chest,
Won't be filled.
I'm not saying I loved you.
I'm not saying you cared.
The fucking hate in my eyes...
Will forever be there!
You will never understand...
It's just your way.
The more I see you...
The more I want you to go the fuck away!
Whore Pandemic
I see all these little cunts.
Doing what they do best.
Making my life,
A shitty fucking mess.
I watch them make their move..
On everyone I ever fucking knew.
What am I supposed to do?
When your whore comes shining through?
I could do it just like you.
But instead I refuse.
Oh God, help us all!
It's a whore pandemic!
Spread your legs, give him a taste.
I stand here and watch you waste away...
Thinking what a waste of sperm,
Watching the parasite inside slowly kill me
And I squirm!
It's an endless cycle.
(Fuck, suck, sleep)
I could do it just like you.
But instead I refuse.
Oh God, help us all!
It's a fucking whore pandemic!
Spread your legs...
Make his world shake...
Spread your legs, spread the disease.
Spread the whore pandemic.
Dead
You took my soul when you left me,
You took my heart then tore it apart.
I never lied when I said I loved you...
Now what the fuck am I supposed to say?
Now that we're through?
Look what you've done to me.
Now I will never be alive again...
Today, I live in hell.
My body and mind are nothing but an empty shell.
I have died a most painful death.
And with my last breath.
I scream "I fucking hate you!"
Look what you've done to me.
Now I will never be alive again...
I'm getting over what you did to me but I'm hating who you are.
I'm hating what you are to me...
Advice
Pathetic is your name,
Dismissing me and breathing shame.
But really,
What could you do about it?
Do me a favor and kill yourself.
Take my advice,
Slice your wrists.
Kill yourself now!
Lies that you breed.
Sympathy is what you think you need.
Don't come running to me.
When you have nobody.
I really think you shouldn't be.
Do me a favor and kill yourself.
Take my advice,
Slice your wrists.
Kill yourself now!
I don't want to see your face!
You're a fucking disgrace!
Daddy
You're not my daddy...
I know this now.
You're not my daddy...
I can figure this out somehow.
You're not my daddy...
He doesn't want me.
You're not my daddy...
My daddy is far away.
I sat and waited for you.
You never came.
Six years of my childhood wasted...
On you.
Each time you promised me.
Each time you lied to me.
With every excuse you made.
I knew...I knew...
You're not my daddy...
My daddy never touched me this way.
You're not my daddy...
My daddy never beat me til I bled.
You're not my daddy...
My daddy never drank this much.
You're not my daddy...
My daddy never saved me.
I sat and waited for you.
You never came.
Six years of my childhood wasted...
On you.
Each time you promised me.
Each time you lied to me.
With every excuse you made.
I knew...I knew...
You're not my daddy...
You're not my daddy...
My daddy never beat my mother.
My daddy never called me names.
My daddy never said he would kill me.
My daddy never...
My daddy never...
More of a Man
Strike me down again,
Hit me like a man.
Til I can barely stand.
I am...
Slap me across my face,
Blood splatters all over the place.
I am...
Does it make you feel like a man?
Does it?
I will be more of a man than you will ever be!
I will hold my own against you!
I'm not afraid of you!
Bruises across my back,
Give me another smack.
I am...
Scars on my arms,
Cause me more harm.
I am...
Does it make you feel like a man?!
I am more of a man than you will ever be!!
I can hold my own against you!!
I AM NOT AFRAID!
You're just a pathetic woman, that's all you'll ever be.
You're just a whore, nothing more.
You're a woman, you deserve to be hit.
You're a woman, you're nothing!
I WILL SHOW YOU, I AM NOT AFRAID!
|
|
|
| |
We're off to see the wizard! :D
Yeaaahhh...I dunno. xD
I'm doing better. I stopped using...coke anyways. XD I loves my tabs. x3
My aunt had a stroke. She's probably going to die soon. D:
I feel like sheet right now 'cause I had to drive to my Gram's last night. We didn't get here til late o'clock. XD Didn't get much sleep. Ha, what a surprise.
I'm hungry. D: Too tired to go get something to eat.
I've been with a friend who I call my sis most of the summer. :3 She's my twin. We think, act, and pretty much do everything the same way. I had to leave her house last night and now I feel empty without her here...-Tear-
I can't stop making weird noises. xD Oh well, it's better than talking to myself, I supposes. :3
Um...I dunno what else is new. I think that is it. o_o
I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves! :D
|
|
|
| |
Somebody Someone
I need somebody...someone...
My yahoo messenger: Jonathan.davis_iz_mine@yahoo.com
God, my life sucks.
I relapsed on coke again. I've spent all my money I had saved to pay for internet at my house on the drugs. I may have to go back to the hospital to detox if I can't stop doing drugs. I hope after this last 50 I have I will be able to stop soon. I don't want to go back to the fucking hospital...
LOL My friend has weed growing at her house and I stole like a whole plant and it's sitting in my backpack right now. Can't wait to smoke it. Px <3
Ehh...I'm single again. I dated this dude named Josh for like 3 days. XD Then I dumped him. He was stupid and I hate stupid guys. He thought that if a girl gets her neck slit and she's on her period that blood wouldn't come out. W.T.F. Fucking stupid, I swear.
But the good thing about being single is...I can flirt with as many guys as I choose! HA HA! x3 Flirting is my hoooooooobby.
Bye bye love you all
|
|
|
| |
I Feel Death
I feel death,
In my bones.
I feel death,
In my soul.
I see death in my near future...
God! Life is sucking! DX
Dude, seriously. I want to go on a fucking mad killing spree. Why?
Just to name a few:
*Got back togeter with Chris and he ended using me.
*My best friend like ever (Matty-boy) killed himself over his fucking girlfriend (Who is a lying, STD infested, skank, I must add).
*I seem to be losing a lot of my friends because of bullshit.
*My family is pissing me off over stupid petty things. (The way I dress, my shoes, yatta fucking yatta)
Enough of the bitch list, onto a slightly lighter side.
*I'm going to see Slipknot, Korn, The Used, Violence to Vegas, and All That Remains this coming Friday the 8th! :DDD
*School's almost out and I'm passssiiiing!
*I've been drawing like a...hmm...like an artist on crack!
*I've been working on some tunage, (XD Tunage remindes me of tuna, which is a bad thing for girls. >XDDD)
*I'm angry and filled with hate like never before!
*I got a laptop, a new phone, and a camera for mah birthday!
x3 I'm bored, so I'm going to give you an all access peek into my iPod to see what I've been listening to lately!
Fack - Eminem
Desire - Suicide Commando
God Is A Gun - Otep
Was It A Dream? - 30 Seconds To Mars
Everyone - Adema
Shattered - Adema
Godsmack - Alice In Chains
SOS - Apocalyptica
Exist To Exit - Arch Enemy
New Hunger - Black Light Burns
At The Behest Of Their Death - Bloodbath
The Poison - Bullet For My Valentine
Dead Inside - Chimaira
Born In A Burial Gown - Cradle Of Filth
Worship Your Demons - Cryptopsy
Karma Police -Dresden Dolls
I Want My Innocence Back - Emilie Autumn
Simple Needs - God In A Machine
How Many Times - ICP
Sweet Destruction Interlude - Kittie
Set To Fail - Lamb Of God
It'll Be Ok - Limp Bizkit
Para - Noir - Marilyn Manson
Prescription - Mindless Self Indulgence
Feel So Numb - Rob Zombie
Hmm...I need new musics.
Any suggestions?
|
|
|
| |
Re-Creation & Para-Noir
Re-Creation by Orgy
I could've made you a wish
but it wouldn't come true
The white trash bitch controls you
Born and raised in a trailer park
And all the faces of the lies surround you
Your simple pleasures come from someone else's plan
The way you like it
For you
I've become what you made me
And we make this new religion
To escape what we've become
Your signal's fading so let go
And we make this new religion
As the program showed us
To escape what we've become
So you played along you couldn't help it
And the followers stand in the line (followers stand in line)
Her signal's fading so let's give it one more try
As the soldiers walk right by
To face this Re-creation
All you people move so slow
We can tell you what you're thinking
So you played along
Para-Noir by Marilyn Manson
I fuck you because you're famous.
I fuck you for your money.
I fuck you to control you.
I fuck you so someday I can have half of everything you own.
I fuck you to fuck you over.
I fuck you 'til I find someone better.
I fuck you in secret.
I fuck you because I can't remember if I already fucked you before.
I fuck you out of boredom.
I fuck you because I can't feel it anyway.
I fuck you to make the pain go away.
Fuck you because I loved you
Fuck you for loving you too
I don't need a reason to hate you the way I do.
Fuck you because I loved you
Fuck you for loving you too
I don't need a reason to hate you the way I do.
HATE YOU THE WAY I DO.
I fuck you so I can feel something instead of nothing at all.
I fuck you because you're beautiful.
I fuck you because you're my nigger.
I fuck you because I am your whore.
I fuck you because you are a whore.
I fuck you for fun.
I fuck you for fun.
I fuck you because I can.
I fuck you so I have a place to stay.
I fuck you so you will protect me.
Fuck you because I loved you
Fuck you for loving you too
I don't need a reason to hate you the way I do
Fuck you because I loved you
Fuck you for loving you too
I don't need a reason to hate you the way I do
HATE YOU THE WAY I DO.
I don't need a reason to hate you the way I do, Chris.
|
|
|
| |
My Gift To You
Your throat I take grasp,
And your eyes roll back.
Love races through my veins.
Your heart stops beating,
Black orgasms.
I kiss your lifeless skin...
I got bit by an ostrich at the zoo today! XD I need to upload the vid.
Hmm. I'm drawing again! YAY! I'm going to scan a buncha shit when I get home and post on FAC and Myspace. =D But first, I need to find my portable USB whatchamajig. Dx I lost it!
Hmm...hmm...hmmm. I got sun burned today. DX It hurts.
I've been bored on break so far. I have to go to my grandma's tonight. I know this is bad to say but I'm kind of dreading it. She's hooked up to an oxygen machine and we can't go to art galleries anymore. *tear* I miss those days. But I will enjoy her company for sure! =3
I go home on Sunday. I'm kinda happy about it. Heh, odd.
I miss mah birdeh. D'=
|
|
|
| | | |
|
|
|
|
|
