Top 10 Ways To Become Featured UserHello there.Are you tired of never being the first pager? Did seeing your friends making it to the big, alert rape dropship on the innernet make you feel so itching mad you just wanted to falconpunch your screen? Well, start shitting your Batman underoos and calling for mommy's debit card cause here are the answers to your darkest, fruitiest interweb desires! This is the real deal folks. Take it from me. Internet personality. Dude. Bonafide f u. Just like 900,000,000,000 other f u's that came before me. Only... I had a little help, see. I've spent months watching Rooster Teef employees on hidden cameras. They select each and every single foo. I've developed a cheat sheet of noticeable characteristics the majority of the past 700 million or so FU's had in common; not even the crack stalkers down at Achievement Hunter know about them. These are. THE. TOP. TEN. WAYS. to be the big eff yoo man chew woo hoo. For real.* #10) The NSFW method. You must endure Burnie's bukkake bonanza.** This is the hardest path to foodom. If you are serious about this take a number and join FinchLynch in the corner. Beware, he smells and he bites. And his bites smell from all the bukkake. #9) This is an actual little known RT insider programming snafu hacker glitch thingy. Silly Ben included it in his Goods. UNLOCK F.U. MODE password is: " c0ngr4ts on b3ing FU!!!!111 "*** #8) Give head to Admins. (This doesn't mean you'll ever be made FU but it's worth a shot. e-mail two forms of valid ID to wewillwewill_fu@roosteradmins.com. Scanned memberships to S&M shops acceptable. The only Admin who doesn't follow this draconian way of doing things is hobbie. He doesn't get head, he takes it. As in you'll be sitting on the loo browsing old issues of Electronic Gaming Monthly and suddenly *poof* you're giving head to a tall dude in an orangey latex outfit. He can take it if you aren't in the same room, the same continent, even if you don't have holes. It's the reason the internet was built with tubes.) #7) Cocaine, a bucket, a pogo stick and twelve little bunnies in need of a manicure. You figure this one out.**** #6) Never log in. #5) Never. Log. In. #4) Crawl naked through a football field of burning excrement and glass shards with Linkin Park music blaring around you. And did I mention the place is on fire? #3) Hint: Ever wonder how Burnie and Geoff really have such high Gamerscores?***** #2) Say my name three times. #1) Written in magic invisibo text cause it's super-super secret: {[[Give me $20.]]} WARNING: I had to go through all of these before I got to where I am and your chances are pretty slim now the secret's out. Also, the offer is void if you've ever touched a Playstation, given mouth to mouth to a British person, received foot and mouth from a British person, hickied a skunk, or if your name is Tim. *So real it required a pointless disclaimer! **Count3D Corp. not held liable for epiglottis related injuries and ruptured contacts. *** Be the first to congratulate the new FU 50 times in a row to complete sequence. ****Illegal in Tennessee, Nebraska, Fort Worth, Spain and that little country no one can pronounce. *****Teamwork. They eat their vegetables, knit sweaters, get jacked full of crack, outsource private schools full of Korean children, all to achieve GS points. But as a team. PS: Thank you for reading. The RT Community is indeed the best in the world. I've been privileged to meet quiet a few of its citizens and wouldn't trade the experiences for all the porn on the internet. DON'T MISS FUTURE EXCITING JOURNALS: Chicken Soup For the E-Soul: HOW TO BECOME A MOD AND HOW TO GET AWARDS IN THREE YEARS... OR LESS! |
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