OOOOOOOH! FIVE WHOLE YEARS!!!!Dear RT StaffLook assholes, yesterday was my 39th birthday. I didn't make a fuss about it because I didn't want to steal your precious thunder, your moment, or any mod points Burnie may have gotten. But I am going on record today to "compare" achievements and milestone (see, speaking in a language you dorks can understand). I would talk in Linux but Gus would probably try to marry me at that point. Let's take this shit to the mat like Hulk Hogan versus Coco Beware.  And in this situation I'm the Hulkster. I am a Real American:  I am nearly 8 times older than this place. When you make it to 21, maybe you can unscrew the cap on a bottle of Ripple to celebrate. Possibly a round of Laser Tag and some pizza and tokens at Chuck E. Cheese's in, like, 5 more years. This website (your baby) has 7-9 parents at any given time. Most people have two, I had one. If your five year old ISN'T excelling with 7-9 parents taking constant care of it, the state should take it away from you. How many sponsorship you got supporting this "baby" of yours? All that money coming in? My father still owes my mother 16 years of child support. Most people here are middle class. You really expect us to fawn over the 5 year birthday of some spoiled brat with every advantage? He's just gonna grow up to be a douche, cokehead, date rapist or worse, a local news anchor. Inviting people to celebrate the DAY OF the birthday is fucking tacky. Seriously. You Internet Assholes need to read a book about social behavior and what is acceptable. So, I hope you and your "baby" enjoyed your moment. However, next year on October 6th I will hit forty and your site will be six. Next year is all about me. Got it? Start planning now. It's the goddamn least you could do. I received a few texts from people and some people found out but I try to keep my birthday quiet usually. I have successfully avoided another birthday avatar trend. ad_713 and 13Church both drew me a nice picture. Extra thanks to them. And though I got no actual presents for my birthday, I did get the greatest gift of all: 47 minutes of paid-for love from a Big-Tittied Russian Prostitute. LINKED MEDIA
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