TselaneEvery now and again I hear a name that I like a lot and think, "Man, if I have kids, I want to name them this." Right now, it's Tselane (pronounced SAY-lan-ee). Whenever I feel this way from now on, I'm just gonna give one of my journals here the name instead and see if that feeling persists.Why Tselane? Well, I've been listening to BLK JKS a lot (Honestly, I'm surprised Jimmerz hasn't posted a journal about this band. Seems like his department.) and one of the tracks, I've discovered, is a re-telling of an old children's story, a folk tale. It's a very beautiful concept: a child knowing her mother from how her mother sings to her. I've always been the kind of guy who thought more about how he'd be as a father than as a husband. I went to my friend Annie's wedding. Annie is one of the original members of our church. I kind of idolized her brothers growing up. She's a cool girl (and probably a good candidate for the Hot Nerd of the Week contest) and she found herself a nice geeky guy named Sajiv. At the wedding, I was seated at a table with Binu and Princy, the couple whose wedding I went to in Chicago earlier this year. Binu is someone I consider to be a spiritual giant--he walks with God and he's got a grace about him without seeming like some kind of "church culture" stereotype that speaks to everything that's wrong with organized religion today. He had heard that I'm thinking of settling down and that my folks were looking for a good match for me. He asked me what I'm doing to prepare. Good question. We spoke for close to an hour, and what I took away from it was that being single is a good opportunity to work on the things you don't like about yourself. I told him about something that had happened Friday night. I had dinner with Rocketwhore and was walking back home. I thought, I should call my dad and, since we're all going to the wedding together anyway, that I should come and be with my parents and sister that night. I take the train, get to my house to pick up my suit and stuff for tomorrow, and decide to watch an hour of Venture Bros reruns instead (I have every episode on my Xbox). I get a call at 10 from my sister. I make up something about being tired and saying I'd meet them in the morning instead. My mom gets on the phone and says she hasn't seen me in a bit and misses me. I say that it makes no sense for me to drive 30 minutes just to sleep a few minutes later. My sister hangs up and I decide it's time to turn in. Only I can't sleep. I'm 27 years old. Shouldn't I at least, by now, be the guy who does the stuff he says he's going to do? I don't have to be wealthy. I don't need to be famous. But the things I say should at least have some meaning behind them. Bare minimum. 10 minutes later, I'm in the car and on my way to my folks. I'm glad I went, too. My parents are going to India tomorrow, so this'll be the last I see of them until Thanksgiving. A lot of people my age move away and only see family once or twice a year. I'm a half-hour away from my parents. I see my dad about once a week and my mom maybe 3 times a month since she works nights. I don't think I've ever gone more than a few weeks without seeing them. I like the feeling of making good on my promises, of spending time with people. But it's kind of a learned thing, something I have to work at. For whatever reason, it's not in my nature. I kind of put self-improvement on the shelf for a while. Think it's time to pick it back up. Not for myself, this time, though. Not for myself. Thanks for reading, Jengaship |
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