/RantSo the last time i was on here was about 8 months ago. Thats a long time. Everything looks really different from what it used to, although i could have sworn that I was a 51 when i left lol. Oh Karma. I hope everyone has been doing alright and that you have all had better lives than I have had in the last few months.About three months ago now I entered a very deep depression and turned to alcohol to help me sleep. I didn't get smashed or anything, but just enough to put me to sleep. The cause of my depression? My girlfriend Emma Brick was leaving for summer camp after only having spent 2 weeks back from our year dealing with her being in Milwaukee and us seeing each other only once every 2 to 3 weeks. I really missed her a lot she was my best friend. Secondary scource was all the family shit that I still have going on. To date my mom owes me upwards of 5 grand that i have "lent" her in order for my siblings to have food on the table because nothing has gone through the courts. Fuck the court system. Anyways that happened for a bout a month, the drinking. I got to see Emma about once a week. Every weekend through out the summer i got to see her less and less and she just seems to be going through the motions. Go visit Pablo, go get stuff ready for camp, and go with people to a staff party every god damn weekend. By the end of the summer I didn't love her any less, i just felt cast aside and used like i was something she could just throw away if she wanted and not have second thoughts about it. I talked it over with my good buddy mike and we came to the conclusion that I should wait until all of her camp drama died out in order for me to bring up that we had issues. This maybe wasn't the best idea sing as the next day after she came back from camp we were moving in together. But she was different while she was at camp and its almost like she was a different person. I didn't want to talk to camp emma about our relationship i wanted to talk to the girl i fell in love with so that i could find out why she was pushing me away so much even though we were going to be living together... We lived together for about 2 days before she just started being a rancid bitch to me. She and I got into the biggest fight of our relationship ever that night and it was all about how apparently i am a judgmental ass who hated all of her friends and who was way to controlling because i got upset that her ex boyfriend who she lost her virginity to was casually inviting her over at midnight to a party and she wouldn't let me respond and tell him to fuck off. Maybe telling him to fuck off was dramatic and controlling but really what guy wouldn't do that? About 5 days later is when it happened. She was having a bunch of camp people over to party for her birthday which was the next day. she asked that me and my friends not be there because she didn't want to mix groups of people and she was still being a rancid bitch. Well...I figured fuck it, let her have her night and just let her have one last blow out party with her camp friends before her birthday and i will just chill with people. I hung out with my friends and met a whole slew of new ones and ended up deciding to stay over at my buddies place. About 3am, we finished watching taken. I had the choice of sleeping on the couch or walking for half an hour in order to go back home to my drunken gf and all of her her camp people. I for some unknown reason call it God, call it karma, call it what ever you want, but i decided to leave and go back to my place. I walked alone for half an hour to my place. I texted emma and asked if she was awake so that i could talk to her and make sure she was ok. She never texted me back so i figured everyone was alseep. I walked in really quietly took off my shoes and walked into my bed room. I only had my black berry out but it was enough light to see that there was someone there with her. There she was with him. Him in his boxers hugged around her and her with nothing but her underwear on. I turned on the light in utter amazement and all i could say was, "what the fuck?" The guy woke up first. And then emma. She just looked up and did the palm to face. I told the guy to get the fuck out of my place. he did without saying a word. I started sobbing at the realization of what had happened. at why she had been pushing me away. She had been cheating on me. How long I asked like a month How far? Don't make me say it. *broke down sobbing again* You fucked him? *sad sigh* yeah. At that point i left and i just broke down asking ever frat boy and girl from my apt to the memorial union about 15 blocks away what i should do. I ended up just meeting up with some friends that ended up gettin gme to stop sobbing and hyperventilating and after 2 beers and about .5 hours of sleep I decided that i was moving out. I got my friends and we kicked everyone out at 6 am. and i started moving out. Fully moved out and alone and feeling shitty i was going to go get trashed with my friends to forget everything, and then she calls me. Completely broken down and asked me to come over to talk to her. I did. I went over to her place and we talked and talked and talked. We basically decided that we wanted to try to make it work. I made her text him and tell him that she was never going to see him again. I coudlnt go back into the room so we pulled out a small futon and we slept next to eachother on there. The next morning, i had a list of things that i needed from her in order for us to work. 1. She could never so much as hear from this guys again or see him or ever be with him ever. No matter what. 2. We both get tested for STD cause she fucked him without a condom every time. 3. We needed to start over. Just start like dating again and see if we could make that work because I coudlnt trust her. 4. if we were going to be together we needed to move out of the apt. (I to this day have not been able to go back into that room) |
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